nullalux | οἱ φίλοι: friends

The new dryer is just fine, except the top is ever so slightly slanted in a way that makes it a bad place to set your dryer balls.

Have I mentioned that especially after Colonoscopy Week I've had more trouble than usual walking? I've been using my cane inside the house for the first time in quite a while, and I'm limited in how much I can carry without (more) pain. It sucks. Belovedest has set up the short ramp against the shortest outside stairs, and while going up it is Bad, going up the stairs without it is Worse. (Both outside doors have stairs.)

I wasn't available to assist with any of the Thanksgiving cooking. Belovedest did it themselves! Including: turkey, the epic tray of dressing, biscuits from the mix, and instant potatoes made the way that erases the taste of Box. (There was also salad available, but there's quite a bit of vegetable in the sausage-cornbread dressing.)

Today we had some roof inspectors. The inspection's free; the quote for fixing things up is *sigh* very much not free.

Tags:

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-turkey-aftermath-2025

Ahhh, turkey cake wrecks. The bane-yet-blessing of my bloggy existence.

::pause::

Wanna see some more?

If there were a Vegas review starring hot dogs and/or Twinkies...uh...dangit, now I kind of wish that actually existed. Somebody get on that, will you?

The irony, it runs deep.

(For extra lolz, just imagine the little feet wiggling.)

I'm sure you've seen ads for those turkey ice cream cakes. You know, these ones?

Well, expectation, meet reality:

(Once you start seeing this as a greased pig stuck in a rabbit hole, it's pretty much all you CAN see.)

And finally, I've seen my share of disturbing turkey cakes, believe me. (BELIEVE ME.) And yet, I think this really could be the MOST disturbing turkey cake I have ever seen.

[blinking]

Turkey cake is people!

TURKEY CAKE IS PEOPLE!!

Thanks to wreckporters Beth J., Nicki B., Rebecca W., & Courtney for "working" on a holiday. Extra leftovers for you, guys!

*****

Here's a new game - at least to me - that's getting rave reviews for family game time:

Beat That! The Bonkers Battle Of Wacky Challenges

Beat That comes with a huge assortment of physical game challenges, from bouncing balls into cups to picking up dice with a pair of chopsticks, and you bet with tokens on which challenges you think you can beat inside the time limit. Looks like fast-paced, silly fun. I'm thinking of bringing it to Thanksgiving this year, to break up the post-turkey sleepy time, heh.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-turkey-aftermath-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/12-thanksgiving-cakes-to-make-you-extra-thankful-2025

John and I actually had our Thanksgiving dinner with family on Monday, and we had ham instead of turkey, but it was still totally Thanksgiving dinner because we used cloth napkins and the phrases "What's that supposed to mean?" and "No, YOU'RE wrong!" were used. YAY HOLIDAYS.

If that doesn't already make you feel more thankful, then here are twelve wrecks to remind you just how blessed you are to have a phone with Internet access so you can look at goofy cake pictures while your family argues politics. (Yeah, I know you're out there. Welcome!)

"Bad news, sir: the tiny phalluses have us surrounded.

"Also, you're on fire."

It's the original Thanksgiving streaker!

(But what in the name of Stovetop is that "stuffing" made of?)

This bird is here to PUMP... *clap!* ...YOU UP!

"HURRRG! Watch me flex, ya!"

And this:

...is an EX-turkey.

(I can't help it; those stiff little legs crack me up every. single. time. And then I start pining for the fjords...)

Aw, don't cry, little fella! I'm sure all turkey cakes have visible bowels.

Or at least the ones around here, anyway.

This cake doesn't need commentary; it needs a sound effect.

Something like, "BLTTHHHHPPPPPPPPPP. THPP."

As a proud geek girl, I usually use the word "shiny" as a compliment.

Not this time.

Also, that "cake" is butted up against real raw potatoes. You know how I know they're real potatoes? Because they're the only thing on that platter that looks like the thing they're supposed to be.

A lot of people have complained about Christmas decorations creeping in alongside all the Thanksgiving ones this year, but I didn't think it was so bad 'til I saw this:

YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, GINGERBREAD MAN.

Now for a quick etiquette lesson:

This is why you should always chew with your mouth closed.

And also why you should never confuse your TP with TNT. (Ouch.)

Which reminds me: anyone else think this turkey is mooning us?

Or is that too much of a stretch?

(HEYO!)

So in conclusion, allow me and the Ghost of Turkeys Past here to wish you a very Happy...

..."Itanksgiving."

Or, as most of us know it:

"Gooble Gooble Day."

Thanks to Kimberly H., Craig, Katrina O., Sam K., David G., Michael H., Sara G., Ardin A., Susan F., Deborah B., Travis S., & Carolyn H. for the Thanksgiving thankfulness.

******

P.S. Remember, it's never too early for Christmas decorations... in your beard:

BEARDAMENTS Beard Lights & Baubles

Even if you don't have a beard - or know someone with a beard you could convince to wear these - I highly recommend checking out the customer photo gallery, haha. "RH" in the red shirt has an especially majestic display. :D

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/12-thanksgiving-cakes-to-make-you-extra-thankful-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/takes-direction-well-2025

Ever feel like you've lost your direction in life?

Do you find yourself wandering aimlessly through bakery aisles and back alley icing parlors*?

* I don't actually know if back alley icing parlors exist, but a girl can dream.

Are you stuck in the hangar bay of life, waiting for the pod bay doors of opportunity to open up and spit you out into the sucking black void of PURPOSE?

If the answer is yes, maybe, or "huh?", then have I got the job for you!

That's right, my friends, the time has never been riper to be a Wreckerator! Or a person who likes to mix metaphors badly, like a withered, overripe tree in space.

But let's focus on the wrecking thing for now, shall we?

We're looking for a few good pairs of hands (preferably attached to still-functioning torsos) that can follow directions TO THE LETTER.

And by "we" I mean "me."

And if you see something grammatically wrong with that statement, then I'm afraid you're already disqualified. Kindly collect your complimentary "Prefessional Baker" buttons at the door and show yourselves out.

Now, for the rest of you, just LOOK at all the exciting things your future could have in store!

The glamor! The excitement! The satisfaction of giving a customer EXACTLY what they ask for!

But the REAL cherry on top? Someday you, too, could write, "cherry on top" on one of your orders!

Consider this something to work toward.

Now, who here failed Biology?

Ah, excellent!

Because next up: baby shower cakes.

Thanks to Inge D., Stephanie S., Emily S., Stephanie H., & Sargam M. for being the wind beneath my leaves. Except there's no wind...IN SPACE.

*****

P.S. I found a book right up our wrecky alley:

A Wizard's Guide To Defensive Baking

I don't even need a synopsis. I'm sold.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/takes-direction-well-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/pan-demonium-2025

Today's post is a little different, and doesn't quite fit my standard definition of a wreck - but it's just too darn funny not to share.

Today's post is also probably NSFW, and unless you want some really uncomfortable discussions with your children, NSFK, either.

So, assuming you're at home and have no kids around, YOU MAY PROCEED.

*****

In the spirit of Pan-Tastic, we here at CW want you to get the most mileage out of your shaped cake pans. To that end, allow us to present....er, this:

IT'S A LIGHTHOUSE.

Juuuuust a lighthouse.

("Be a beacon?!")

(If you get that reference, I will personally award you one million geek points.)

And also this:

Old Macdonald had a farm.

Which was clearly compensating for something.

Of course, your pan may be a slightly different model, so there's also this option:

Those pesky UFOs - always taking off to the right.

Or this:

I'm coocoo for COCONUTS!

(Coconuts. Seriously. THESE JOKES WRITE THEMSELVES.)

By now I'm sure you're wondering where all these brilliant designs came from. Well, would you believe there was a whole website dedicated to finding alternative uses for that most distinctive of shaped cake pans? 'Cuz there was, and I think you'll agree that blogger/baker Holly was a veritable WIZARD at making me bust a gut laughing:

You'll never hear a reference to Mr. Wizard the same way again.

And here's one final option, spotted at an actual baby shower:

There's something ironic about using this particular pan for a baby shower cake. Or is it appropriate? Ironically appropriate? Whatever. IT'S FUNNY.

My thanks to Thomas S., whoever it was that originally sent me the link to Holly's site, and the rest of you for not yelling at me in the comments about how these aren't professional or at ALL appropriate. I KNOW.

But to be fair, neither am I. ;)

*****

P.S. It is possible our obsession with gnomes has gone too far?

Gnome Refrigerator Handle Covers, Set of 8

... or not far enough?

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/pan-demonium-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/er-mah-gourd-2025

Eek! I think I’ve forgotten to mention this year what is possibly the most popular indicator of Fall - you know, the one you see in every coffee shop, restaurant, and bakery across the nation.

Yep, I'm talking about that ubiquitous Fall flavor:

...Poop brûlée

Kidding, kidding. We all know the actual flavor of Fall is pumpkin:

...with poop on top.

Or on the side!

Or just washed down the edges.

Or whatever is happening here.

And when bakers aren't grossing us out with log-a-riffic "stem" action on their pumpkin cakes, they're busy gleefully spitting in the eye of Mother Nature:

I can just imagine them dramatically twirling their mustachios now:

"Take THAT, nature, with your natural shapes, and your natural colors, and your sickening lack of spikes and crappy silly string. HA. Haha! AHAHAHAHAHAA!!"

"Oh, and I always wanted my pumpkins to have a sphincter, so there."

Now, you might be questioning whether that is actually supposed to be a pumpkin.

First of all, NEVER QUESTION THE JEN.

Lest she speak of herself in the third person.

And second of all, of COURSE it's a pumpkin.

Can't you see that it's orange? And green? And brown?

WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT, YOU UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE PUMPKIN EATERS?

Ah.

Well, don't you worry; the turkey cakes are coming.

Thanks to Carol W., Rheanne K., Dawn R., Brady, Julie P., Holley R., Jessica S., & Lisa S. for the excuse to type the following: Ermahgourd! Permpkins!

*****

P.S. Here's a great book for those of you with kids around the house this Thanksgiving:

How To Catch A Turkey

The illustrations are fantastic and it's especially fun to real aloud:

****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/er-mah-gourd-2025

Posted by Sharyn

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-im-your-matre-d-2025

(Extra points if you "hear" this in the Genie's voice!)

Well, Ali Baba had them 40 thieves
Scheherezad-ie had a thousand tales
But, reader, you're in luck 'cuz Sunday Sweets
Has gorgeous cakes that make all others pale

By House of the Rising Cake

You've got some flowers in your corner now

By Wild Orchid Baking Company

Every single cake here is a champ

By The Fondant Flinger

They've got punch, pizazz! Yahoo and wow

By Take the Cake in Chicago

Hey, this cake looks like a Tiffany lamp!

By Maggie Austin Cake

Now I say...

Sunday Sweets reader, please
What will your pleasure be?

By Jacques Fine European Pastries

Let me take your order
Something brown?

By Cakework

You ain't never seen cakes like these

By Cotton and Crumbs

These aren't in restaurants
They're here on Sunday Sweets!

By Mike's Amazing Cakes

C'mon, whisper what it is you want
You ain't never seen cakes like these!

By Sweet Thing Black Orchid

[blinking 'Applause' sign]

Happy Sunday!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-im-your-matre-d-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/christmas-blues-2025

I have a problem around this time of year. It's kind of embarrassing, but I'm hoping I'm not the only one.

It goes like this:

I'll be out shopping somewhere with John, when suddenly:

I'll hear it.

And I'll think, "No, it can't be. They wouldn't play THAT song. Not here! It must be some other song."

Then a few more seconds will go by, and I'll realize:

It IS that song.

They're playing Christmas Shoes.

So I tell myself I'll just ignore it. I talk to John a little louder. I try humming It's A Small World. But it's no use:

I start listening, in spite of myself.

And ninety seconds later:

[sobbing] "Buy him the shoes! BUY THE LITTLE BOY THE SHOES FOR HIS DYING MOTHER! AaahhhaaaaHAAA!!"

And my mascara's running everywhere...

And the cashier is like:

And all the other customers are like:

And I turn to John for support, but he's crying, too, so we're BOTH like:

And THAT is why I'm never going back to that Honey Baked Ham outlet.

Thanks to Hannah F., Kimberly S., Linda M., Anony M., Rachel S., Marissa C., Jodee R., Kizzie F., & David G. who might claim they don't cry at Christmas Shoes, but if so they're filthy, filthy liars.

And just in case you haven’t heard it yet this year, here it is. BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

Here's a fun, trauma-free Christmas story you can read with your kids:

Jolly Jingle Christmas Book With Push-Button Sounds

You play the sound effects on the side as you read through the story together. Awww.

I also found a cute finger puppet book for Hanukkah:

Happy Hanukkah, Little Dreidel! Finger Puppet Board Book

*****

And because Christmas is the perfect time for DIY gnomes:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/christmas-blues-2025

Posted by Sharyn

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/limer-icks-2025

There once was a wedding confection

That failed the bride's final inspection

So we grabbed an airbrush

Painted it in a rush

And told Yanks it was for their election!

I'm finding it rather outrageous

That I have to spend some of my wages

On a cake for my Dad

Of a girl, partly clad

Is it me, or does she look contagious?

I hope you don't find me neurotic

But I'm sure my new heart is necrotic

It rattles and shakes

And I think that it's cake...

Did I mention my surgeon's psychotic?

Clap your hands for poor Tinkerbell

A bee sting has caused her to swell

Grab a fresh EpiPen

And inject her again

For she's really just not looking well.

If you just can't spell "congratulations"

And your piping skills won't win ovations

You should find a career

Where you won't end up here

Or at least take extended vacations.

I once saw a cake in Nantucket

That had frosting applied by the bucket

Though it's called a nice gift

It's too heavy to lift

So I guess that I'll just have to chuck it.

Thanks to Fiona N., Annabelle K., Melissa J., Michael C., Miranda B., Wendy R., Erika H., and Arlene for making me speak in rhyme all day. (Hey guys, are there rocks ahead?)

*****

P.S. Good news, there's a Volume 2!

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes, Vol II

This one has the word "spiffing" in the title AND comes with a lovely green-and-gold cover, so folks will recognize your sophisticated taste while begging you to stop telling these terrible, TERRIBLE jokes.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/limer-icks-2025

Posted by Sharyn

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/shoo-horns-2025

Are you tired of buying a special dessert every Thanksgiving, only to have your friends and family snarf it all down before you get a piece?

Then this year, why not buy:

The Cornucrapia
Leftovers Guaranteed!™

That's right, your local bakers have twisted the traditional "Horn of Plenty" into something MUCH less appetizing! Just choose from any of these exciting designs!

The Black Hole

The Stinky Slinky

The Mud Slide

The Twirly Turd

The Purge

The Litter of Runts

And that relentless best seller:

The Miserable Vomitous Mass

(or Humperdink, for short.)

Find yours at a local wreckery today!

Thanks to Kelly G., Sarah, Joanna C., Roni F., Jesse, Maureen S., and Dan W. for horning in on our Thanksgiving parade.

*****

For those of you with kids around the house this Thanksgiving, here's a fun family read:

How To Catch A Turkey

The illustrations are fantastic and it's especially fun to real aloud:

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/shoo-horns-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/say-again-2025

It's a fundamental fact of life that the more ridiculously off base a misspelling, the funnier it is.

So, "Congradulations?" Not particularly funny. "Controdulatior?" Funny.

And this?

HYSTERICAL.

Then there are the times when everything is technically spelled correctly, but...

(I don't know what's happening here, but I "like" it.)

I guess we can't judge this next wreckerator too harshly, since "Bon Voyage" isn't actually English; it's French. And we can't expect bakers to know French, now, can we? OF COURSE NOT. So don't even THINK about laughing. Seriously. It's a simple, honest-to-goodness mistake that ANYONE could easily ma...uh.

Oh, dear.

Never mind.

("Have a nice trip! See you next fail!")

Thanks to Deb, Deborah A., & Terye B. for the stop, drop, and ROTFL.

******

P.S. When you don't have a cake to express yourself, there's always this:

"Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want To Be Here" T-shirt

That can't be a coincidence that it's in Thanksgiving colors, right? ::evil grin::

Comes in lots more shirt colors and also men's cuts at the link.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/say-again-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/howdy-pilgrim-2025

Thanksgiving is coming, my friends, so here's a handy guide for identifying the goods in your local bakery:

1) Anything in a black hat is a pilgrim.

"Top o' the morning to ye!"

* snore *

"Buh-KAWK!"

2) Anything in a blue headband is a Native American.

"Could I...BE any creepier?"

"Yep, I guess I could."

"Now let's get sweatin' to those oldies, ladies!"

3) Everything else is a turkey.

Probably.

Thanks to Brittany W., Louise C., Angela B., Angelica W., Jenn, Dave B., & Samantha E., who figure that last wreck is worth at least two bucks.

*****

I need y'all to see these ADORABLE pumpkin pie earrings:

Handmade Polymer Clay Pie Earrings

And no, I didn't make them; that's a different Jen. A Jen who is comfortable sharing her phone number on the internet, while I'm the Jen who hasn't opened her e-mail inbox in 6 months.
*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/howdy-pilgrim-2025

Posted by number1

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-game-on-2025

Thanksgiving is coming up (for us Americans, anyway), which means a lot of us are about to spend a lot of time with our families. When my family gets together we like to cook, eat, laugh, eat, and play a whole lot of board games. Then we eat again.

So, in the spirit of two of our favorite activities, let's get our game on!

Scrabble ALWAYS makes its way to our coffee table during the holidays:

By Cake Central user ToniRod

And it stays on the table for days because we all take hour-long turns. I'm serious. One Christmas, I played a game of Scrabble with my aunt that lasted two and a half days. (And I totally won.)

Chess, anyone?

By The Chocolate House

I love how the tiers and floating pieces add dimension to a traditionally flat board game. Very cool!

My aunt and uncle just informed me that Settlers of Catan will be a big part of Thanksgiving this year. So I guess I should figure out what that is.

By Ann Zeleny

Meanwhile, I'll just eat these adorable cookies.

Here's an old favorite:

By Fields of Cake

Chinese Checkers is kinda like that game at Cracker Barrel where you have to jump the pegs, right? Except it's much harder and doesn't come with dumplings?

Ah, here's a game I'm very familiar with... on the computer. Mah jong!

By Blackmarket Bakery

Unfortunately I have no idea how to play this in real life, though. Anybody want to teach me? Or make bracelets out of the tiles with me?

This colorful cutie has nothing to be sorry for!

By The House of Cakes

That's "sorry," as in, "I'm sorry for eating all of the leftover pecan pie."

Here's a perfectly piped way to show the meaningful moments in a couple's life together:

By Sweetest Perfections

So sweet! And I'd play this game a lot more if "GO TO JAIL" was always replaced with "GO TO JAMAICA."

Here's another couple who thought outside the box:

By MichelleSugarArt

Yep, guys. That's really cake.

Make room for a childhood favorite:

By Dolce Designs

This cake makes me hungry, hungry!

And another kids' game everyone loves:

By Debbie Does Cakes

It even has gum drop mountains!

Of course, if you can't decide which game to play, why not play them all?

Baker unknown.

Just remember: be nice, let your little brother win, and never - NEVER - sell Boardwalk.

Ever.

Happy Sunday!

*****

Here's a new game - at least to me - that's getting rave reviews for family game time:

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-game-on-2025

The washer saga ended a little while ago, with a brand repair tech who corrected something simple. Thursday night (the start of Friday wash day) the dryer gave up.

Since the dryer had been leaving unsightly rust streaks on all the lights, I have not been subtle in my campaign for a new one.

Delivery is scheduled for today, of a dryer with a steam cycle but without wifi.

οἱ φίλοι: friends

Post-Turkey (well, there are leftovers...)

The Turkey Aftermath

12 Thanksgiving Cakes To Make You EXTRA Thankful

"Takes Direction Well"

Pan-Demonium

Er Mah Gourd!

Sunday Sweets: I'm Your Maître D'

Christmas Blues

Limer-Icks

Shoo, Horns!

The Cornucrapia
Leftovers Guaranteed!™

Say Again?

Howdy, Pilgrim?

1) Anything in a black hat is a pilgrim.

2) Anything in a blue headband is a Native American.

3) Everything else is a turkey.

Sunday Sweets: Game On

Alas, dryer

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οἱ φίλοι: friends

The CornucrapiaLeftovers Guaranteed!™

1) Anything in a black hat is a pilgrim.

2) Anything in a blue headband is a Native American.

3) Everything else is a turkey.

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The Cornucrapia
Leftovers Guaranteed!™