Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/wet-flappy-amp-thoroughly-stewed-2025

If the kids ask, April just got a new bottle of shampoo.

*flap flap flap*

Take note, everyone: "Yoth!" is the new 40.

Be sure to adjust your birthday cards accordingly.

Whoah. Not only did they screw up the "screwed up" inscription, it's a cupcake cake. [patooey!] Now, CCC defenders, I want you to look at all that icing smeared under and around the individual cupcakes, and then I want you to find a real cake, and I want you to apologize to it. Do it! Do it now!!

Ahem.

Hey, you know how some people's "i"s look like "7"s, and their "g"s look like "6"s?

No?

Well, now you do.

A big thanks to Wreckporters J7ll W., Paulette M., Dan7elle S., Barbara M., & Ashle76h.

*****

P.S. I have to introduce you to the handiest little kitchen gadget for under $7:

Dishwasher "Dirty/Clean" Slider Bar

The whole thing is magnetic, and it also comes with a double-sided adhesive for non-metallic machines. Also comes in black, and there's a prettier cursive option if you don't want the bright red/green!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/wet-flappy-amp-thoroughly-stewed-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/getting-the-picture-2025

Your wish = my command.

"Ok, but I'm adding these decorative scrolly bits to show you what an awesome decorator I am."

"Oh, I'm getting the picture alright." [winkwink]

"Hey, you know those times when you should be seeing red, but instead you feel kinda blue?"

"Yeah, me neither."

"Fortunately for both of us, I don't have to understand your weird code language to follow orders:"

Mine?
Mine?
Mine?

Thanks to Kevin B., Eugene K., Tiffany K., Carrie B., & Melissa O., who, of all my wreckporters, are literally the most recent.

******

P.S. Here's a giggle for my coffee-loving friends:

"My Four Moods" Dragon Tee

:D
It comes in both Men's & Women's cuts, plus a bunch more colors.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/getting-the-picture-2025

Posted by The CW Team

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-rest-of-the-story-2025

"Welcome to the K. Krex Evaluation Center! Please have a seat, and we'll begin the exam.

[consulting clipboard] "Ok, let's start by having you cover your left eye and spell out the top line here."

"Uhhh.... M. d. W. 2. K. 1. O?"

"Perfect. Now go ahead and read me the bottom word here."

"Oh man, that's tough. Um...matheridby?"

"Good, good. Now, please cover your right eye and spell out the letters on the bottom line here."

"N... O... T.. T.. P.. P.. L.. B.. S.. S.. S.. S.. L?"

[writing on clipboard] "Mmmhmm. Now, kindly read this for me:"

{squinting} "Uhhh.... Is that even English?"

"Excellent. Moving on, now I'm going to change the lenses over your eye. Tell me which is more in focus:

"Number one...

"...or number two?"

"Gosh, I don't know. They look about the same."

"I see. Ok, for our final test, let's have you put on these glasses and try reading these:"

"Happy....Bir....um... I have no idea what that says."

"And I'd rather not say that one out loud."

"Oh! That's the artist formerly known as Prince, right?"

"Well done. And congratulations - you're hired! Here are your apron and piping bags, and you can pick up your spools of ribbon and plastic flotsam in the morning. Now, go make us proud!

"And a bunch of cupcake cakes."

Thanks to Brandon D., Rosie, Melissa M., Becky, Rebecca M., Sara B., Judy R., Abby M., and Grace N. for the eye-openers.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-rest-of-the-story-2025

Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/heeere-leezard-leezard-leezard-2025

Could switching to GEICO really save you 15% or more on car insurance?

...

Do bakeries in Florida have a problem with lizards?

"S'alright. 'E's probably just restin'."

Thanks to Anony M. for finding a wreck my cats would LOVE.

*****

P.S. OK, so no one wants to see a lizard on a cake.
But how about a Bearded Dragon on a blog?

Pogo the Plush Bearded Dragon

Pogo is a whopping 21 inches long, so I hear he's great for snuggling.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/heeere-leezard-leezard-leezard-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/say-what-2025

I know they keep pushing back the retirement age, but this is ridiculous:

Worst. Retirement package. Ever.

Clearly this "celabrate" you speak of refers to an activity with which I am unfamiliar.

Ever notice what a difference an "e" can make?

Ouch.

Or the lack of proper spacing?

Woohoo! Uric acid-induced arthritis! Yeah!

At first glance I thought this next cake said "gobbles," which you must admit would have been perfect on an edible baby cake.

Of course, if you say it fast enough this actually almost sounds right.

And, poof!
Just like that, I got you all to say the word "Gobbless" under your breath.

BOW BEFORE YOUR PUPPET MASTER!

Bwah-ha-haa-haaa!!!

Ahem.

And finally, a reminder of the importance of commas:

"The first 102rd moms were just so-so, but number 103th? BINGO."

Thanks to Bethany V., Clare P., Jason T., Angela L., Erin L., & Rachel M., and whoever first put an "rd" superscript over a number two. (Seriously, just try to pronounce "2rd" without giggling. Go on.)

*****

P.S. In case this post wasn't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/say-what-2025

Posted by Lindsey

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-wedding-cakes-in-chocolate-2025

Hey girl.
Today's post is dedicated to you.

By I Dream of Jeanne Cakes

That's right, to you and every other chocolate-loving chocoholic out there who can't quit craving the sweet stuff and have long since polished off the last 3 Musketeers bar in your kids' Halloween candy stash.

You know who you are.

So come along. Let's take a ride on the gentle waves of chocolate's sweet caress:

By Sweet Gems Cakes

Let's set sail on the decadent seas of sensory seduction.

Photography by Julie Mikos; baker unknown.

Smell the chocolate. Feeeeel the chocolate. Taste the chocolate. BE the chocolate.

Let chocolate's smooth tendrils of tantalization entwine you.

By Layers

Embrace the chocolate! Let its sweet siren song wash over you and take you to a place where a rose is just a rose, unless it's a chocolate rose...

By Baking Arts

Because then it's like, a way better rose.

Unless of course, it's a painted chocolate rose. With ruffles. And twirly things.

By The Paul Bradford Sugarcraft School

Twirly things of temptation!

So surrender! Surrender to chocolate's rich and creamy charms!

Let the fermented bean pods of the cacao tree seep into your soul as you... um... wait.

By Cakes by Occasion

OK, so maybe that's not the sexiest description of chocolate you've ever heard. Sorry.
I'm running out of adjectives here.

Bottom line, chocolate is pretty much perfection.

By Wilton

Like this cake. Such perfection, I'm having trouble believing it's real. Look at those razor sharp corners!

And the only way this curvaceous cake could be better is if there were even more of it:

By Premier Pastry

I can't spot a single thing wrong here, either:

By The Pastry Studio

I'm just dotty for it! (The kids still say 'dotty,' right?)
(No? Well, I'm not very hip. My pajamas have cats on them.)

Of course, sometimes even the most fervent chocolate lover needs a break:

By Margaret's French Bakery

Like this. This is the perfect chocolate break.

Who could resist a cake literally paved in chocolate?
I can't. You can't. Don't even try.

Anyway, if you love chocolate so much, why don't you marry it? I think you should.

By Kanya Hunt

If only for the cake.

Hope your Sunday’s extra sweet!

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-wedding-cakes-in-chocolate-2025

23 trick-or-treaters this year, likely due to rain and construction. The last four were after we had started picking up and bringing things inside, and in fact after we'd sorted the candy into Keep and Share. (The Share candy stays outside overnight for the late crew, then goes with Belovedest to work. We don't have particularly much trouble with raccoons.) In the last party, the one with the umbrella hat and some sort of Studio Ghibli makeup (white face, red eye triangles) was enchanted with the glow sticks and picked one of the very few blue ones.

This year's innovation was doing the Wizard of Oz + Dark Side of the Moon thing with (much less cleverly timed) Chaos Emergency Doof Broadcast (Which is 4 hours of very silly DJ work), some of the Halloween episodes, with Addams Family Values on mute (several times through). We got the inflammable tango to "The Devil Went Down to Georgia", and a few other silly confluences. I think this is one of the ones where precise timing doesn't help all that much, but it's great when it happens. By the time the show had run out of explicitly spooky songs, it got a little less entertaining.

Belovedest was Jigglypuff. I was a very tired Dulcie (wearing my own nightgown and some exhaustion makeup). I ordered the wrong crust on 2 out of 3 pizzas, and the 3rd one was gluten free.

Tags:

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/halloweeeee-2025

Tonight's the big night, people!

ARE.

YOU.

READY?!?

I'll take that as a yes.

Now, the first thing you need to kick off that Halloween party later is an OFF DA HOOK historical lecture.

I'll start.

Did you know that Halloween was once known in Druidic circles as "Hallsweer?"

It's true!

Ok, not so much. But you should totally make up a bunch of random factoids and see how long it takes your guests to throw you out the window.

Or just wish everyone a happy "Hallawen," and when questioned, insist that's how it's pronounced "in the old country."

"The Ambiguously Scared Trio"

Of course we can't let the night pass without saluting you, Mr. Failing-To-Grasp-The-Concept-of-Eyeballs-Man:

In the face of crippling chocolate eyeball shortages, you step up with something that technically still has eyes on it, AND is circular. Bravo, Mr. Failing-To-Grasp-The-Concept-of-Eyeballs-Man. Bra. VO.

(Srsly, the more you try to imagine the thought process that led up to this, the funnier it gets.)

And finally, to REALLY kick your party off right, just go to your local wreckery and order a cake with a "Halloween look."

I guarantee the result will be terrifying.

Or at least really funny.

(I especially like how they really captured the spirit of "Hallowee" with all that orange, blue, and green.)

Thanks to Courtney M., Dawn K., Michelle L., Cortni C., & Eric F., who I hear is a real whiz when it comes to Hallowee decorations.

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/halloweeeee-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/fall-fail-2025

Yesterday marked the first below-80-degree weather we've had in Orlando in nearly six months! Woohoo!

Which means I can now officially say...

Y'all have GOT to be kidding me.

And now for something completely unrelated…

Boop boop be SWEET LORD IN HEAVEN.

Thanks to Myriah L. and Stephanie A. for showing us that Betty Boop really does defy the laws of physics.

*****

P.S. This seems appropriate:

Disney's Nightmare Before Christmas T-Shirt

:)

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/fall-fail-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/no-butts-2025

You know bakeries are cracking down pretty hard when they feel the need to remove the "ass" from "Associate."

"Oh, thank goodness! Now our children are safe!"

Thanks to Stephen H. & Julie W., who I assume will be assuaged by my assurance that this situation will be assessed by my asstute associates.

Fun Fact: If you add an extra "s" to "astute," it sounds like "ass toot."

You're welcome.

*****

P.S. I found you some additional reading:

Farty Facts: An Illustrated Guide To The Science, History, And Art Of Farting

Yes it's a real book, I can't believe I have to clarify that. A worthy gift for all students of life, or for anyone who has a butt.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/no-butts-2025

Video appointment with chemotherapist today. I'm done with immunotherapy! The scan says I've been stable.

I still have:

* bone strengthening (not marrow encouraging) med every 12 weeks, infused
* Scans every 3 months

So that means a trip or two to the cancer center every 3 months, although if they keep it at 3 months for the one and 12 weeks for the other, they may fall out of sync.

I should probably celebrate this?

Tags:

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/putting-the-ha-in-halloween-2025

You guys, this Friday is Halloween! And you know what that means, right?

Yep: Time to get our hands on some cake.

Finger-licking bad.

Or I suppose we could sink our teeth into some...er...

[blinking]

...never mind.

Just keep your eyes off this pumpkin cake, if you please:

Thank you.

I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this design:

Ow.

Oh, I know! Maybe it's a window pane!

*gigglesnort*

Ahem.

I did wonder why Frank there had no nose, but then I realized:

That's why.

Yep, you could say it's as plain as the dong on his face.

Come to think of it, this bakery really should reevaluate their staff:

'Cuz that's one broomstick that should be swept under the rug.
You know, for being too hard to handle.
Not to mention stick-y.

And so, my friends, in conclusion:

Haa!

And...

EEN!!

Thanks to A.F., C.C., Linda L., Donna S., Patrick M., Dana, Jeremy C., & Kelsey N. for the tricky treats.

*****

P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as confusing as these cakes:

P Is for Pterodactyl: The Worst Alphabet Book Ever

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/putting-the-ha-in-halloween-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/deep-breaths-2025

Hey, you know what? I think we could all use a nice, relaxing post. Something safe, easy, and appetizing. Something that brings to mind happy places...

...and happy things.

So clear your minds, my friends, and let's think about happy little butterflies...

And cheeky little monkeys...

And sleepy little kittens...

And warm, friendly faces...

And, of course, giant, chocolate-dipped beetles:

See? All better.

Thanks to Claudia D., Dawna Z., Kimberly S., Tiffany, Lisa H., Brittany J., & D.L. for the breather.

*****

P.S., Speaking of relaxing things, remember when fidget spinners were a thing? Because I found the upgraded, double-duty version:

Stainless Steel Spinner Ring Set

You get all 3 of these pretty spinner rings for $12, and the reviews say they're especially great for teens. These are an awesome way to keep your hands busy without being super obvious.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/deep-breaths-2025

Posted by Lindsey

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-treats-halloween-2025

You know when you go to a haunted house, how there's the usual super scary corpse-undertaker-chasing-you-with-a-blood-covered-chainsaw section? And across the parking lot there's the happy-hayride-pumpkin-patch-and-face-painting-with-the-kids section? That's where you'll find today's Halloween Sweets. Today there's nothing to be scared about, except overdosing on cuteness!

Not to mention sweetness.

By Rebecca of Sugar Creations

A cake covered in candy? I can handle that.

How luscious is this caramel apple cake? It looks so real I'm tempted to take a bite just for authenticity's sake.

By Andrea's SweetCakes

I'm trying to be scared by this spooky graveyard cake, but ... nope! Too cute! See the wee little jack-o-lantern?

By Crafty Confections

Hmmm, speaking of jack-o-lanterns maybe I'll try to carve all of mine out of cake this year, because a) smaller odds of accidentally stabbing myself again, and b) tastier leftovers!

By The Ladygloom

Now this is a happy cake!

Made by Cake Central member preciouspjs

These monsters don't want to eat your entrails, they just want to see you smile! Love the different textures of 'fur.'

Ok, this next cake is by far the absolute cutest thing I've seen all day:

By Jen's Cakery

And that includes those newborn hedgehog pictures that are going around the internet and also my own children.

If some awesome person delivered these amazing cookies to my house, I would ban everyone from eating them, and display them as decorations instead. All year long.

By East Coast Cookies

It's never too soon to introduce the kids to Halloween, and not just because that means more free candy for you! (No, actually that's a good enough reason.)

By SugarRush Treats

SO CUTE! Look at the tiny droplets of blood on the vampire's fangs!

Now, if you are not delighted by this cake and its vivid colors, bats silhouetted by the moon and baby grand piano, you might be a Halloween Scrooge.

By The Well Dressed Cake

(Coincidentally, if you are looking for a great Halloween movie, rent A Christmas Carol with Jim Carrey, because that was the scariest shiz I've ever seen.)

The more I look at this cake, the more I'm floored by the details:

By Andrea's SweetCakes

Tiny bones and fallen leaves. Itty bitty bats with fangs! Haphazardly hanging shutters! And so well-done too. I've never seen skeletons and gravestones looks so gosh darn adorable.

And finally, can you make it past the fearful fondling tentacles and eerie eyeballs of this cake? Beyond the ghostly guardian, over the circular sentinels, through the clingy cobwebs and up the slimy staircase to the haunted mansion?

By Good Gracious Cakes

Go on, try it. I double dare you.

Yeah, you go on ahead...

I'll uh, just be over here getting my face painted.

Happy Sunday!

*****

P.S. Are you making Halloween Treat bags this year? Because I found the cutest set:

Halloween Goody Bag Set: 40 Bags & Stickers

I love the designs, especially the cat & the skull!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-treats-halloween-2025

Good morning, afternoon, and evening!

We're doing some database and other light server maintenance this weekend (upgrading the version of MySQL we use in particular, but also probably doing some CDN work.)

I expect all of this to be pretty invisible except for some small "couple of minute" blips as we switch between machines, but there's a chance you will notice something untoward. I'll keep an eye on comments as per usual.

Ta for now!

οἱ φίλοι: friends

Wet, Flappy, & Thoroughly Stewed

Getting The Picture

The REST of the Story

Heeere Leezard, Leezard, Leezard!

Say What?

Bwah-ha-haa-haaa!!!

Sunday Sweets: Wedding Cakes in Chocolate

"However much candy you want, the answer is yes."

HalloWEEEEE!

Fall Fail

No Butts!

Milestone

Putting the "Ha!" in Halloween

Deep Breaths

Sunday TREATS: Halloween

Database maintenance

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