Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sumer-lovin-2025

So tell me, Wreckies, how are you enjoying your summer?

Sorry, I mean, "Sumer?"

Or is it "Sumeer?"

You know what, just to be safe, let's sell both versions.

And then make this one the store display, so everyone can see it:

I like to be happy, summetime.

 

Well, however you spell it, I hope you're taking this time to enjoy a little sun.

Or a large, red-eyed spider crawling out of your cake.

 

And that you're working on your tan:

Or dismembering Edward Cullen. (Hey bakers, where's the glitter?)

 

Of course, the only acceptable foot wear right now are flip-flops:

Emphasis on the "flops."

 

And every meal should end with a hefty slice of watermelon:

Preferably the seedless kind. Unless you're expecting...to be expecting.

(See what I did there?)

 

And since these are the lazy days of summer we're talking about, you should be taking lots of breaks:

Stickin' it to the man. Or in this case, the customer.

 

Maybe visit the pit of despair community swimming pool?

"Watch out, kids, I'm about to throw another one down."

 

Or just spend a few quiet evenings walking the beach, looking for seashells and/or body parts:

Who wants ribs?

 

Thanks to Cassie, Brian B., Molly S., Jill V., Tina, Jaemie G., Lindsay W., Elizabeth & AnneMarie, & Anony M. for the disarming finds.

*****

P.S. If you actually go to the beach, then clearly you need a mesh tote bag that's in such high demand they couldn't even get one for the photoshoot, and had to photoshop it in (badly) later:

Oversized Mesh Beach Bag

Oh yeah, bad Photoshop is how you know it's good. Well, that, and the 2,000+ 5-star ratings. Turns out this thing is actually pretty awesome, and also comes in blue, gray, or white. Grab yours before the manufacturer tries to snatch the last one up for a re-shoot.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sumer-lovin-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-villain-edition-2025

Convention season is starting up again, and I am READY, y'all. So since I've got major geekery on the brain anyway, I thought I'd focus today's Sweets on - what else? Geek cakes. But more than that, I've decided to feature geeky villain cakes. 'Cuz geeky villains are cool. (It's the outfits, am I right?)

 First up, the horniest Loki cupcake you will ever see:

Submitted by Sarae B., made by Nerdache Cakes

*snerk*

 It takes a special kind of couple to have a Predator/Alien-themed wedding cake:

Submitted by Kenkire, made by Black Cherry Cake Company

Specifically, a couple who should be friends with me. (Oh, and to whoever decided to put a tiny top hat on the Predator: Bravo. BRA...VO.

I am deeply ashamed to admit that I've never read Dune, but I'm going to assume the giant sandworms fall more on the "villain" side of the spectrum:

Sub'd by Rebecca A., made by Jana's Fun Cakes

(I'm sure you guys will correct me in the comments if I'm wrong.) 

Also, this is another wedding cake, if you can believe it. Check out all the tiny teeth!

 

Now here's a classic villain from my childhood, so I know him well:

Sub'd by Nick B., and made by Truly Scrumptious - the same folks behind that jaw-dropping standing Cyberman I featured last April.

 It's here to EXTERMINATE your hunger, haha! (Sorry; obligatory Dalek joke.) I like how Dalek dresses are all the rage at conventions now, too. Who knew killer robots wielding bathroom plungers could be so chic?

Speaking of chic, here's the best-dressed villain in today's post:

Yes, really - she's handmade, and edible! (Check out another closeup here.) By the always-amazing Highland Bakery.

I have to take a quick break from the villains to show you the best Stargate cake I've ever seen:

By Stacked Cakes

WOWZA. Look at all that detail on the gate! And the watery texture on the event horizon! Seriously, this cake is encoding and locking ALL my chevrons, IF ya know whatta mean. (Stargate humor. Heh. Aheh. Heh.)

Ok, back to the bad guys:

Sub'd by Kat B., made by Cake O'Clock

I'd like to thank Cake O'Clock for going easy on the raspberry syrup. Thank you.

And now, perhaps the most iconic villain of all...

Sub'd by Elizabeth A., made by Crazy Cakes

Vader!! Shiny, shiny Vader. Seriously, I have my own Vader helmet at home (don't ask), and it's not half as shiny as this cake. I think this cakes looks better, too. Seriously amazing.

Of course, we can't have Vader (or at least his helmet) without an official Storm Trooper escort:

By Amanda Oakleaf Cakes

"Hi."

That, my friends, IS the dessert you're looking for: a life-sized Storm Trooper cake!

Don't believe it's cake? PROOF:

Oooh. Stabbed in the back - that's cold.

 

We haven't had enough comic book villains yet, so...how about Venom?

Sub'd by Gayle G., made by Chocmocakes

 And an adorable stylized Harley Quinn?

By Dream Day Cakes

 I love this style SO MUCH. I only wish they had a matching Joker cake, too!

 

 It's amazing what some bakers can do with just buttercream; check out this Sauron's Eye cake:

Sub'd by Claudia S., made by Emily/ emzstar

"I SEEEE YOU. 

"So stop picking your nose. Srsly. That's disgusting."

 

And every evil disembodied eyeball needs a giant evil tower, right? Right.

BEHOLD!

By Cakes by Erin

This cake - yes,  CAKE - was over two feet tall, and set on a One Ring cake base.  Look at all the crazy detail in there:

I'm at a loss as to where - and how! - you'd even BEGIN to cut this. Care to weigh in on that, Erin?

Well, that's it for this week's Sweets, guys! Happy Sunday!

*****

If you love geek cakes as much as I do, then I bet you're someone - or know someone! - who needs this book:

Alien Next Door

Talk about the perfect hardcover gift book for Alien fans, listen to this: "From facehuggers to feather dusters, discover how the perfect killing machine relaxes after a day of scaring space marines."

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-villain-edition-2025

Posted by Sharyn

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/pass-the-purell-2025

I don't know about you guys, but it seems like everyone I know has gotten sick with something contagious recently. Because knowledge is power, I think you ought to know just what the nasties that are causing all this misery look like. We rented a powerful microscope -- hey, we spare no expense for you, our dear readers -- put samples of the germs under the microscope, and magnified them 5000 times. Here's what we found: Let's start with...

Flu

...and landed very, very badly.

("Shhh! It's trying to communicate.")

("Yeah, and it's saying, 'OUCH.'")

You've probably heard of e-coli:

Be careful around this one -- it makes you feel like crap.

I'll bet you think this is the common cold:

Well, it's not.

Most of us are familiar with Strep:

You know, the one that makes you a little hoarse?

And finally, there's Staphylococcus:

Which is the disease that killed Sigmund Freud.

(Actually, it's not. But wouldn't that have been deliciously ironic?)

We hope you've managed to avoid getting sick, because no one wants these in real life, or in cake form.

(If you were "lucky" enough to get one of these, feel free not to share, m'kay?)

Let's spread thanks to Kara W., Tiffany W., Jan Y., Kerrie C., and Katie P., for their infectious senses of humor.

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/pass-the-purell-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/clean-up-on-aisle-4-2025

Too often I've been accused of making you readers hungry with my steady parade of candy-coated misspellings and butchered bakery goods.

Well, NO MORE!

Or at least not for today.

Here, I'll ease you in slowly, in case you're mid coffee-sip:

This is your spleen...or possibly a giant tumor...on cupcakes.

 Any questions?

 

I've been told there are no accidents in life; only learning experiences.  If that's true, then we're all about to learn something very important:

Some bakers get sick if you feed them too many mini-marshmallows.

Also, we're not hungry. No, none of us. Now go away. Shoo.

 

Before you ask, this "cake" was being served at a buffet restaurant, and no, that's not mold:

It just looks like mold. Thereby saving the establishment literally dozens of dollars in their dessert budget, I'm sure. (Reminds me of the restaurant with candy sprinkles on their sushi rolls. Hey... do you think it's the same place?)

 

I'm not really sure what's happening in there, but it's a safe bet you're not getting your little plastic purse back.

 

The tag on this next one says, "Freshly made in store by our bakers."

And thank goodness for that! There's just nothing worse than stale vomit from some factory, am I right?

Also...are those...olives?  (Deep breaths, Jen...deep...breaths...)

 

Baker by day, retirement-center barber by night?

EWWWWWWW.

Ok, I just made MYSELF gag. Urg. And no, I don't know what the "hair" is really. Let's just try not to think about it too hard, okay?

Hey, now, WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

 Ah, well, don't worry. Someone'll just stick that on the clearance rack later.

You know, once it cools.

 

Thanks to  Rob A., Emily F., Dani S., Andrea & Anne Marie, Mim & Vince, Lisa D., & Regina G. for the uplifting chucking experience. Who's hungry now, bee-yotches? HUH?

*****

For some reason this post is just calling out for butt-themed home decor, don't you agree?

2-Sided Bathroom Decor Box

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/clean-up-on-aisle-4-2025

Posted by Lindsey

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-cest-bon-2025

Bonjour, mon amis! Today's sweets are mostly inspired by Marie Antoinette, so you know what that means: Prepare your eyeballs for an over-the-top feast of excessiveness!

(And no, we won't be having any gruesome headless sweets commemorating Marie's rather gruesome end. Sheesh. Get your mind out of the guillotine.)

Yep, it's all decadence and girliness from here on out! And yay for that, because have I mentioned I've been helping my husband Matt at football camp all week? Yes, I've been sharing a house with 25 teenage boys for the last five days. I could use a little girliness up in here.

 

Fortunately this first beauty is a sight for my pink-deprived eyes:

By Cakes By Tess

And how appropriate that it includes a fabulous fondant fan, because I'm already feeling the need to fan myself!

[Swoon!] Such loveliness!

 

And here's the lady of the hour herself...

By CakeCentral member Lindasuus

...sweetly putting to shame every Barbie-torso-stuffed-in-a-cake ever made.

 

This one is so absolutely flawless and stunning, I'm convinced it doesn't really exist.

By Cake Coquette (More detail shots at the link)

We've all just collectively dreamed it or something. (We have excellent imaginary taste, you and I!)

 

Now here's a solution to that pesky problem of how to hide plastic cake pillars: Simply pipe a decorative cage of icing between the tiers for an elaborate camouflaging exoskeleton of awesomeness!

By Edible Art by Kate

Er, on second thought, you might want to just leave that to the pros.

 

I thought this Fabergé Egg cake was a winner on its own ... (Seriously, doesn't it look like a 1st place trophy to you? Or is that the football camp talking?)

...but then I scrolled down and realized the egg was only one quarter of the whole cake!

By Fire and Icing

Wow. The layers look like carved marble or porcelain, and I love those unique shapes, too. It's hard to believe the tiers wouldn't shatter when you went to cut a slice!

 

I think more food should be adorned with edible pink tassels, don't you?

By Deborah Hwang Cakes

I love this color scheme so much; fun, flirty, and fit for a queen. I bet ol' M.A. would lose her head over it!

 

Oooh, sorry Marie. Too soon?

Submitted by Anne Marie B. and made by Rosey Confectionary Sugar Art

Oh, don't stare at me with that doleful expression. Turn your attention instead to the amazing miniature dessert table in your boudoir. And hey, is that rug edible too? Incredible.

 

Here comes another amazing egg cake. I'm not really sure if fancy eggs are a Marie Antoinette thing, but they're both similarly lavish, so it works for me.

By Cakes Du Soleil

Just gorgeous. If I was serving this cake, I don't think I'd let them eat it, youknowwhatI'msayin?
(Like "Let them eat cake?" Marie's famous line? You know? Yes? Never mind.)

 

This is probably my favorite cake today:

Submitted by Devon C; by Cake Opera Co.

I thought it was Marie masquerading as a... um... masquerader, while holding a kangaroo for fun, but the website informs me that this is actually an 18th century French figurine, masked to conceal her illicit rendezvous, and juxtaposed by the fawn in her arms meant to represent birth and innocence.

So, I was close.

 

All of these fanciful confections make me want to host a Marie Antoinette party! How about you? Here's a checklist of everything we need:

By Cakes by Erin

Powdered wigs, macarons, frilly shoes, masks, more fancy eggs (I guess they really are a thing) tiny top hats, (pretty sure that's NOT a thing, but I'll go with it), and of course, cake!

 

Does this cake remind you of a hot-air balloon, too?

Submitted by Promise W. and made by Ganache Patisserie

And did you know that the first manned hot-air balloon ride took place in front of Marie Antoinette and the French court? And that it was "manned" by a sheep, a rooster, and a duck?

True story.

Here's another one: this cake is fantastic! Do you see the little movie-scene applique? Too cool.

 

I'm not sure how inspired by Marie Antoinette this final cake is, but it's incredible. At over three feet tall and almost two feet wide, I'm pretty sure this is the cake they serve you when you die and go to heaven:

By Sweet Thing Black Orchid

Oh, wait. Actually this is the signature cake for the Hilton Hotel in Silver Spring. Which, after a week at football camp, sounds enough like heaven to me.

Happy Sunday!

*****

If today's Sweets are right up your style alley, then I have JUST the tea for you:

Nina's Marie Antoinette Tea

This blend is made in France using the roses and apples grown in the Versailles palace garden. Omigosh! If that's not tea fit for royal-tea, I don't know what is. Plus it comes in that gorgeous pink tin. Talk about a perfect gift for any tea-lover.
******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-cest-bon-2025

Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/bakery-math-2025

One ugly 8-inch round flower cake:

$6.00

Five ugly 8-inch round flower cakes:

$30.00

 

Five ugly 8-inch round flower cakes plopped on

styrofoam and cardboard stands:

$235.00

The look on the bride's face?

Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy...

but a decent wedding cake isn't one of them.

Thanks to Melinda W., Holley W., Kae B., Liz Q., Meghan F., Nikki G., and Lainey M. who thinks we should start investing in styrofoam and cardboard.

*****

P.S. I found something for the bride who wants to wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and something poo:

Unicorn Poop Earrings

Don't stop believing, y'all. Dreams do come true.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/bakery-math-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/meanwhile-at-the-unintentionally-erotic-bakery-part-2-2025

"Deb, everyone keeps laughing at our new spiral donuts. Any idea why?"

"Really? Still? Drat. I even added a sign - I thought that would help."

"Yeah, about that....I'm not sure we should be telling customers to not get their "panties" in a twist. Could you change that?"

"Oh, sure."

"And make sure the new sign mentions we can heat the donuts up, too."

"You got it!"

 _____________________________________________________

Attention, customers: THEY'RE JUST DONUTS. 

Don't get your p***s in a twist. 

 P.S. Available Hot...

or Cold!

 

 Thanks for the dough nuts, Sophie F.!

*****

Good news, there's a Volume 2!

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes, Vol II

This one has the word "spiffing" in the title AND comes with a lovely green-and-gold cover, so folks will recognize your sophisticated taste while begging you to stop telling these terrible, TERRIBLE jokes.

*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/meanwhile-at-the-unintentionally-erotic-bakery-part-2-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-futures-so-brite-2025

With graduation season over, you might be tempted to revel in the heady hopes of a brighter tomorrow, what with all these freshly educated, newly degreed youngins descending upon our workforce and all.

I'm here to fix all that.

This cake was supposed to say - I kid you not - "It's a girl."

That apostrophe placement will be haunting my dreams tonight.

Of course, it's also possible to get the spelling and punctuation perfect, while still completely missing the point:

Granted, this could be a "he said, she said" issue.

Hey, remember when preschoolers were taught to put the square blocks in the square holes, and the round blocks in the round holes?

Do they not do that anymore?

For some reason I'm getting the feeling this is supposed to be a base"ball." Odd.

And remember that toy with the pull string that told you what the dog says?

Do they not have those anymore, either?

Wait. Is that a cat?

Ok, now I'm really confused.

Still, I guess we can take comfort in knowing that these wreckerators won't always be wreckerators:

Eventually they'll get promoted to management.

Thanks to Becky A., Jane R., Stacey S., Jennifer V., & Alissa P., who want to ask that employee in the background, "Hey, why the long face?"

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/the-futures-so-brite-2025