Posted by Jen

Some couples look for a sign that their marriage will last.

 

 This isn't it.



Thanks to Ruth H. for the initial discomfort.

 

Note from john: For those you you who may not know, usually "DOA" stands for "Dead On Arrival."  Less common meanings are "Dead Or Alive", "Date Of Arrest" and the ever-popular, "Darkener Of Apricot."

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([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed Oct. 17th, 2017 01:00 pm)

Posted by Jen

[howling wind]
[howling dog]
[howling wind and dog together]
[plus a sprinkling of light rattling chains]

Darkness falls across the land...

Oh. Ok.

[ahem]

 

The fowl-est stench is in the air...

"Quack."

 

The FUNK of forty thousand years!

Give or take an eon.

 

And Grizzly ghouls from EVERY tomb...

Rawr.

 

Are closing in...to seal your DOOM.

Patriotically.

 

And though you fight to stay alive...

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm missin'myarm, and whereismyface?"

 

Your body starts to SHIVER.

...me timbers!

(Or maybe that's Orlando Bloom. Hm? LADIES?)

 

For no MERE MORTAL can resist...

Baby Cthulhu!

Or...

... David Caruso riding a unicorn under a double rainbow!

The EVIL...

(Oh. Or that)

...of...

THE GRILLER.

MUAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

HAHA!

AHA...

Wait.

Is that supposed to be steak?

Ew.


Thanks to Melinda M., Sarah C., Natasha, Nell H., John M., Rebecca J., Carrie, Robin L., Wolfie, and P. Humperdink for saving us from having to find a cake for "y'alls neighborhood."

*****

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([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed Oct. 16th, 2017 01:00 pm)

Posted by Jen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks to Laura R., Jessica D., & Robin S. for helping us divide this readership into "the confused" and the "not-going-to-admit-why-they're-laughing."

*****

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([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed Oct. 15th, 2017 01:00 pm)

Posted by Jen

Who says dark has to be dreary? These gorgeous Gothic cakes will have you cheering:

(By Sweet Lake Cakes)

 

Sweet Lake seems to specialize in Gothic designs, and I couldn't pick just one favorite!

(By Sweet Lake Cakes)

Look at that lace and "fabric" draping. INCREDIBLE.

 

One more:

(By Sweet Lake Cakes)

The bird skull cameo is the perfect touch.

 

And speaking of cameos, check out the raven head design on this little top hat:

(By Cake Central member ChrisJack1)

The feather, the hand painted skulls and swirls, the roses - just beautiful.

 

(By Candytuft Cakes)

It doesn't get much more classic than rich black and blood-red roses!

 

I really love the contrast of the white tiers under all this heavy scrollwork:

(Baker unknown. Anyone recognize it?)

WOW. The bottom tier looks like a wrought iron gate, and the second has architectural arch ways. The longer you look, the more detail you see!

 

On the other hand, sometimes simple can be just as dramatic:

(By Connie Cupcake)

Love.

 

Now welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion cake:

(By WDW's Contemporary Resort bakery, found here)

That wallpaper and perfect draping has this Dizgeek all atwitter, you guys. Great color on the roses, too!

 

(By Antonelli di Maria Torte & Design)

One of my personal favorites today; I can't believe that fabric draping, and the perfect color fade on the spider web!

 

(Baker unknown)

This purple practically glows, it's so vivid. If you look closely, you can see the layered acanthus leaves making up the second tier. Beautiful.

 

(By Cake Opera Company, featured here)

Another astounding, can't-believe-it's-cake design. That heavy embroidery is insanely intricate, and I've been so busy staring at the cake itself that I just now noticed the cake stand is wrapped in fur!
Ha!

 

And finally, arguably the simplest design of them all today, but I'm just so smitten with the unusual floral swag:

(By Artistic Bites, featured here)

This wedding cake was made for a "Red Riding Hood marries the Wolf" themed photo shoot, and I highly recommend hitting that link up there to see the rest. It's the perfect blend of dark elegance and fairy-tale whimsy, and I LOVE the succulents and fuzzy mosses they used on the cake.

 

Hope you enjoyed the Gothic Sweets, everyone! Happy Sunday!

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Posted by Jen

"...but legend says that on the twenty-sixth of October the curse will return, and the vengeful One-Eyed Monster will rise again!  

 

MWUAH-HA-HA-HAAA!!

"GET IT OFF GETITOFFGETITOFF!!"

 

Thanks to Melissa S. for the double header. 

*****

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([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed Oct. 12th, 2017 01:00 pm)

Posted by Jen

In a world...

where nothing is safe...

and no one can be trusted...


"Like, ohmygawsh, Kelly! I know it's midnight and raining outside, but let's strip down to our bras and go running through the woods! What could possibly go wrong?"

[blood-curdling scream]

 

From the people who brought you:
Butterflies from Hell,
Night Hugs from Hell,
Underwater Zombie Ballerinas (Also from Hell,)
and Gigli,
comes the most horrifying psychological thrill-ride blood bath you will ever wish you could un-see.

"Thank you for the teddy bear, mommy! I love him SO MUCH, and I'm glad he's not creepy and won't kill us in our sleep or anything!"

[blood-curdling scream]


No one knows where they came from... or who they will visit next.

 

"Well, I'm all by myself and the power's out, but I think I'll take a shower anyway."

 

[pulling back shower curtain]

[blood-curdling scream]

 

When the streets are paved with evil... and the nights are filled with... evil..

"Gosh, I'm so glad you came over to make out with me while I'm babysitting tonight. Maybe I should just go check on the baby... in the attic... in my high heels... in the dark... in my bra... alone... while you go get pizza.

[pulling back blanket]

[blood-curdling scream]

 

Nothing that lives in the imagination is more frightening than the terror that lives... in the bakery:


{Crazy maniacal Leprechaun laugh}

[blood-curdling scream]


This Friday the 13th, terror gets its just desserts.

Hell's Bakery... from Hell. In 3D.

If you can't stand the heat... you're probably about to get murdered.

 

Shannon G., Anna L., Sara C., Melissa, & Lindsay, if you had trouble visualizing this post as a movie trailer, then we've put together a little something for you:

 

 

*****

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([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed Oct. 11th, 2017 01:00 pm)

Posted by Jen

Will you guys ever get tired of seeing wedding missed marks? 'Cuz I'm thinking, "no."

Let's test that theory, shall we?

 

What the bride wanted:

What the bride got:

That'll buff out.

 

A lovely leaf motif:

And a lovely...oh good grief:

Actually, that leaf design is so popular I have two wedding wrecks based on it:

Whoah. This baker needs to make like a tree, and get out of tree decorations.

(Hm. I feel like that line didn't go quite right. Maybe I should follow it up with something clever.)

So.

YEAH.

(Theeere we go.)


This next one's in reverse order; here's what Anthony L's bakery replaced another bakery's initial wreck with, and with only an hour and a half to do so before the wedding started:

Not bad for less than two hours' work, right?

 

Especially when you compare what the original cake (again, from another bakery) looked like:

Am I the only one who thinks this looks like Play-Doh? I keep expecting it to spring to life, claymation style. And then maybe turn into a giant demon dog and terrorize a nerdy New York accountant.

Just me?

 

Here's a fun, modern pattern:

Aaaaand the fun stops HERE:

It's never a good sign when your cake is crying.

 

Goodness gracious, great balls on wires!

Seriously. They're like shiny little bubbles of joy - totally cute.

 

These, on the other hand, are just...

...balls.

 

Thanks to Krista V., Emily B., Allison I., Anthony L., Tempest J., & Sarah B. for feeding our horrible wedding wreck obsession.

*****

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([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed Oct. 10th, 2017 01:00 pm)

Posted by Jen

It's the quintessential symbol of Halloween: the Jack-O-Lantern. Fortunately, it's also one of the easiest designs for a baker to make. Just take one round cake, ice it in orange, add a cartoony face, and...voilá!

AAAEEIII!!

Er. Heh, sorry. Let's try that again.

Voila!

That's...not a cake.

 

[rolling up sleeves] Voila!

Is that...plastic?

Cheater.

 

Voila!

A Pumpkin Poo-nicorn. Well. That's a first.

 

[through gritted teeth] Voi-la.

What the...what IS that? Come on, seriously, there's no way you could make this thing look less like a pumpkin!

 

Allow me to retract that last statement.

 

Knock, knock.

Well? Orange you glad I didn't say "voila?"

 

Hm. Maybe the problem lies in trying to make the whole cake look like a pumpkin. Maybe if the baker just drew a pumpkin ON the cake...

[blinking]

Um...

[more blinking]

Voila!

 

Dorota, Carra M., Melody N., Shanna T., Andrew M., Ted, Donny & Amanda, Kaitlin K., & T.A., don't ask me; I'm going with "abstract jack-o-lantern."

*****

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([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed Oct. 9th, 2017 01:00 pm)

Posted by Jen

Ever get the feeling bakers are doing this on purpose?

 

Like, they know exactly what we're asking for; they just don't feel like drawing today.

 

It's a tempting theory, I know...

 

...except for all the times when it's actually MORE work to get it wrong:

*facepalm*

 

Thanks to John H., Nicole M., Anony M., & Erica D. for letting arTisTic freedom ring.

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azurelunatic: Teddybear that contains ethernet switch.  (teddyborg)
([personal profile] azurelunatic Oct. 8th, 2017 02:41 pm)
I see that a number of people are moving to Discord for chat, both in general and also because AIM is going bye-bye.

I'm Azz#2671 if anyone wants to chat there; I have it on the desktop but I'm not sure if I've installed it on the current phone.

Posted by Jen

Traditional cakes are awesome, sure, but sometimes you want a crisp, modern twist:

(By Torta Deliziosa)

...like this!

Check out that 3D grid pattern. Stunning!

 

Another clever design:

(By Sweet Sensations, Inc - now closed permanently - & featured here)

Those paper-like bubbles add just the right amount of interest - no color needed!

 

But for those who want ALL the colors, I've got something for you, too:

(By Cafe Orbis Cakes)

Graphic, geometric, and totally groovy.
(Look closely; there are patterns embossed in the pixels!)

 

This pinwheel cascade is the stuff chevron-covered dreams are made of:

(By cakelava)

Ahhhh.

 

And here's a new-to-me technique that I just love:

(By Desiree Aguirre)

Ruffly swirl goodness!

 

But perhaps you prefer something a bit more awesomely angular. Even, dare I say, spectacularly spiky?

(By Yellow Cake Company)

It's modern art come to life - and ready to be plated.

 

Speaking of art, here's one that looks like an edible, 3D oil painting:

(By Lucia Simeone)

Plus: Poppies! My favorite!

 

These asymmetrical petals remind me of Old Hollywood glamour:

(By Charm City Cakes)

Can't you just see this as a satin dress from the 1920s?
(And notice that oh-so-subtle peach ombre coloring. Beautiful.)

 

Color, whimsy, and more impressive patterns:

(By Kim Giles, featured here)

Love how most of the color is blowing off the cake - and how it takes an extra moment to see all the white-on-white designs.

 

And finally, some superb swoopiness with just the right balance of modern and traditional:

(By Torte Di Nadia)

That pink ruffle bit is blowing my mind. Love how it bridges that bold, modern cube pattern with the delicate flowers! SO GOOD.

 

Hope you guys have a Sweet Sunday!

*****

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And from my other blog, Epbot:


azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)
([personal profile] azurelunatic Oct. 7th, 2017 02:02 am)
... I believe that two of my friends have invented an entire spouse for a third friend (all former co-workers of mine) on the strength of baking.

Specifically, the colleague very occasionally brings meat pies in. And he was going to bring some in at some future point, but he moved continents before it happened. And his wife bakes them.

I was certain that no such entity exists, and that the man does his own baking.

The guys and I haven't synchronously discussed it, and they're not even quite sure on gender, and they barely hear of "her"...

I shall have to inquire.

But as things stand, two of the better informed and well intentioned feminist dudes I know believe that someone else bakes for a certain man...
([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed Oct. 6th, 2017 01:00 pm)

Posted by Jen

For today's cakes I have no answers. Only questions.

Uh, what's up with her nose? (Or should I say "down with her nose?")
I like to think it's just a wart, but I get the feeling that it'sss...not.

 

Why is the toilet paper angry?

 

What do colorful sperm have to do with Halloween?
(Granted, "Happy" I could see...)

 

WHAT in the name of sweet Lassie is that spider doing?!?

 

I have two questions for Mr. Ghost-with-the-Most here:
First, why did the Wreckerator feel it necessary to include two small chocolate bars and a gummi worm? And second, why, oh why, did s/he put them there and in that order?

 

Now, I don't want to leave you with all questions, my dear Wreckies, so here's a cake that answers the following:

Q) What do you get if you cross Princess Leia, Dracula, and the Bride of Frankenstein?

A) This:

 

Paige, Carey H., H.M., Erin, Suzanne U., & Daa, you must admit the resemblance is uncanny.

*****

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([syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed Oct. 5th, 2017 01:00 pm)

Posted by Jen

Friends, countrypersons, CCC-makers (ptooie!):

I've tried to be reasonable.

I've tried to show you the appetite-killing effects of edible mommy bodies:

I've tried to show you the cannibalistic undertones, the disturbing ramifications, and the flat-out creepiness of neck stumps and booby slices.

I've even shared with you the horror stories of raspberry fillings, plastic baked-in babies, and mock C-sections!

All to no avail.

And now - NOW - bakers are adding an homage to the scariest scene in Ghostbusters. Because that scene with the demon dogs pressing their faces through the door? [sing-song] A-DOR-ABLE!

Quick! GET OUT OF THE ARMCHAIR, DANA!!

 

Sure, they might have started out small...

"Aw, lookit da cutesy-wootsy lil' foot sticking out! Haha! So sweet!"

 

...but it wasn't long before bakers were pushing the boundaries of what anyone could stomach.

Literally.

(Also, ow.)

 

And because more is ALWAYS better...

"Leeeet ussss ooooouuuut!!"

 

...it wasn't long before the laws of physics went completely out the window:

Sweet mercy, woman, TELL ME you're getting an epidural.

 

So I ask you, fellow citizens, are we to stand for this? Or will we put our foot down, stop toeing the line, and kick belly cakes to the curb once and for all?!

Hey, wait a second. You just saved these photos to your "inspiration" folder, didn't you, bakers? YOU'RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME, are you??

Oh, fine. Just send me photos when you're done, and we'll call it even.

 

Thanks to Amy U., Elizabeth M., Alanna E., Amanda R., Mary V., & Holly T. for today's belly laughs.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot:


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